I am blessed to be expecting a lovely celebration this evening with a few others, of which I am in ardent anticipation of, and wholly looking forward to. Especially as lunch was lukewarm rice with bean paste and some sprouts or sorts.
My real reason for this note is two fold... at least. First, the last thing I wrote with this particular holiday in mind is hardly thematically fitting. I'll post it on my writing blog (http://fosterink.blogspot.
If you don't know if you're included in this, then let me put you at ease: if you're reading this and we've met, conversed, spent so much as a few minutes in idle conversation (you have no idea the effect you've had on me if I can spend minutes in idle conversation) or explored any greater depths in this journey called life, or if you've simply been there and offered a hand, an hour of your time, a word of encouragement, even those who cannot read this because I don't know their names, but they sent a smile my way in passing by, I should express that I am very grateful. I don't express that nearly enough.
It's been nearly a year now that I've been living day to day in a strange land, no more or less different than the day I arrived. It's funny to me that I would choose this holiday, itself somewhat foreign, to express some thoughts, but the holiday as I've come to celebrate it has had an impact.
I came to Korea with the primary goal of getting out of debt. I'm happy to say that that goal is hereby fiscally achieved. I'll be sending home my final payment within a few days to be in the black, just like the hopes of the retail world come Friday. However over the course of the year it's not only the financial debt I've come to repay. I've been holding onto numerous debts of various sorts that I feel I've lost in the shuffle of life half a world away from their origin. I feel like I've finally arrived at a place where I don't owe anyone anything, out of some misaligned sense of duty, or some other perverted imposed onus of pride or pity. It's a good thing. I'll tell you why in a moment.
There's one outstanding debt that doesn't really count, not because I'm not eternally grateful, and not because I can ever make any manner of headway in paying it back, but for the express reason that I can't. It's beyond me. It's the freedom of life in the saving Grace of Jesus. I spent a lot of my life trying to figure out how to repay that debt, but I've come to accept that I can't. It's impossible.
This is important to know because it has done two things: It has freed me to stop striving and it allows me to start serving. I've been unable to serve anyone for a very long time (at least without flashbacks of luggage, cars, and tips). You just can't serve in debt. You can work, labor, and strive, but true service will always take a backseat to the effort to make some sort of ground in the uphill battle to see the distant horizon of freedom, because debt is a prison, most debt at least.
Now that I'm semi-officially debt free, and I hope you'll forgive me if you feel I owe you something, because I really feel like I don't, and that's a first in and of itself, perhaps ever, but it's a good feeling and comes with gratitude and a desire that I may truly begin to do things I haven't been able to do for a long time: love, serve and freely give what I hope and trust will be a growing abundance of all I have to offer.
With that said, let me say again and sincerely wish you a Happy Thanksgiving, to one and all; may it extend well beyond a meal, a day, a long weekend, and a season.
Thanks... I think.
- Foster
